Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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