peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
