i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
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