There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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