singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
