Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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