Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
