i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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