Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Randomize
