I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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