I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
