The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
