And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
