so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
