No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Couch. On fire.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Randomize
