Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
