Nicole vs. Life
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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