Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
it glows. i had to have it.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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