guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
