i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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