i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
