better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
