Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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