and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
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