I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
