I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
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