we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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