just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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