U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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