We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
