I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
