your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
