Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
