i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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