it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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