chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
