Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
