Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
