my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
People in love make me want to vomit
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
