Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
