i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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