Who wears a wallet chain?!
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
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I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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