why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
