Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
this will be a night to untag.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
