Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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