Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Hello my rib-scented angel!
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
