just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
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My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
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You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
i believe in u and ur pee
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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