The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
