ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
