I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
