I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
