too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
