i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You dont lie about slip and slides
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
