My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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