the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
There was a lot of him and a little penis
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Randomize
