I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
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Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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