I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
