Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Verdict: uncircumcised.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
