please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
