My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
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