I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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