I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
