He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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