just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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