i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
