coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
