This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
