What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
