I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
