The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
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