I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
