you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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