If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
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Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
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I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
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