Your dad touched me again.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
