we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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