East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
