the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I believe in your delicious
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
