Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
im on a boat
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