At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
